Teasing Robots on the Phone

Interesting, but since I started writing this poem he hasn't called anymore.
Could I have hurt his feelings?
Do Robots dream of electric sheeple?

Teasing Robots on the Phone

At one PM, when I’m alone,
Nobody else with me at home,
And the phones rings while
  I’m doing things,
Like parsing gerunds for this poem

It takes a sec ‘for he picks up,
A click comes through.
  It’s a connecting hickup

An effective voice greets me,
Stressing three syllables out of two,
  "Hello-o,"
I imagine a clean cut guy,
  white guy, impressively salesmanish,
Grips a firm handshake and a salesmanish name
  like Dick, Dick Dickme, or
  Bob, yeah, Bob Bobrot,
Except I know he’s not…

"My name is Rob, and may I say Congratulations!
You’re having a significant birthday soon!"

"Wow, so soon? Rob, how old am I?" (I’m fifty-five,)
"Turning sixty-five is a time of difficult decisions, and you’ll be thinking about Medicare"

Never directly addressing me
  as Mister, Miss, or Ma’am or Sir,
  Rob sticks to script, a telephone poseur

"Rob, what’s my name?"
"I can transfer you to an operator who can answer those questions in a moment…"

It does not impress me to live in a world
Where the robots op like people
  while we people have become ‘operators,’
"But first I want to tell you how we can help you manage
your choice of Medicare options,’
 "Rob, can I ask you something off-script?"
(Days past he‘s already told me he can’t answer questions off script)
"I can’t answer questions off script,"

"But Rob, I want to ask you a question directly,"
"I can transfer you to an operator who can answer those questions in a moment…"
"You do know, Rob, I’m already on Obacare,"
(Emphatic yet dispassionate) "No,"
"Except here in Mass we call it ‘RomneyCare,"
(identical to before)"No,"

"Rob, we talked about this yesterday,"
(identical) "No,"

"Yes,"
"No,"

"Rob, by now I’m doubting even Methuselah
had as many birthdays as you’ve congratulated me for,"
"Well, I’m here to help"

"Rob, are you a robot"
(identical) "No,"

"Rob, we talked about this yesterday."
(identical) "No,"

"Yes"
(identical) "No,"

Rob, you’re in denial,
(identical) "No,"

Rob, don’t hang up, talk to me
(identical) "No,"

Rob, I can help. Beep. (I said Beep!)
(identical) "No,"

Rob, don’t hang up
(identical) "No,"

Then starts an empty clicking, tumblers are turning,
I imagine smoke coming from his ears,
  swirling around his perfectly coiffed plastic hair helmet,
Or a Bletchley Park Colossus, puffing up a carton of gaspers,
  for a minute, not even the courtesy of a dial tone,
  not even programmed to be rude about being rude

I don’t know for sure, but I’d certainly bet’cha,
It’s not paranoia when they are out to get’ ya

Twenty years ago I was a telephone Service Rep,
Ten years ago they routed calls to Mumbai, Indonesia, Taiwan,
Now, fukkin' Rob's doin' my job! and it's
  Happy Birthday! Everyday!
And no, you just can’t get away,

Wonder, which country does Rob live in?
  you can ask him tomorrow.
   when same time he calls back again